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Clone Chaos #

It’s bloody disgusting, really giving hard-working synths a bad name.

From Julio’s violent double, to Zeeva’s clone malfunctioning while she’s away, passing by Trey’s copy having an affair, and even Mindstream’s ever-growing pile of lawsuits for wrongful deaths by glitchy clones, Lee M.D. does not hold his tongue about celebrities and their synth clones controversies.

About #

This Daily Whisper column was made available on Dec. 15th once the Spyder web browser was unlocked.

clone chaos article

Transcription #

Editor's note

This article is occasionally missing ‘ff’, ‘fl’, ‘ffi’, ‘ffl’ or ‘fi’. The transcript below has these indicated in italics.

Clone Chaos #

Celeb’s Synth Swap Scandals Go Public! #

By Lee M.D., Your Man on the Inside

Alright, hold onto your kegs, because I’ve got a scoop straight out of the celebrity sausage factory that’ll make your stomach turn. Turns out some celebs, in their quest to dodge a bit of graft, have actually turned themselves into SYNTHs just so they can prance around with a shiny, obedient clone in tow. It’s narcissism on a nuclear level, and as usual, yours truly is here to serve the dirt on a silver bloody platter.

The “USC” Double-Down Disaster #

Get this this: Julio The Mangler Stokes, our follicular challenged fighter from the Ultimate Smackdown Collective (USC), decides he’s too big of a legend to train like a regular human. So what’s he do? He becomes a SYNTH just to make a copy of himself, sends SYNTH Julio into the ring, and no prizes for guessing things go tits up. Bonegrinder Hayes, his unfortunate opponent, ends up with a face like mashed turnips. The fight was so brutal they had to cart half the audience out for shock, and now Bonegrinder’s got permanent brain rot, all thanks to Julio’s lazy antics. It’s bloody disgusting, really giving hard-working synths a bad name.

Pop Star Zeeva’s Identity Crisis Goes Global #

Next up, SYNTH scandal strikes again with pop star Zeeva, whose SYNTH twin is caught prancing around in Nu-Orion while Zeeva herself is snapped jet-setting in East Chiyoda. Imagine this: Zeeva’s synth hits the stage, starts glitching mid-chorus, sounding like a stuck karaoke machine, and her face goes full-on 404. Fans are baffled, snapping vids, while Zeeva’s probably sipping Mai Tais halfway across the world, blissfully unaware of the techno-carnage.

Zeeva’s management claims it’s some kind of avant-garde performance art. Right. And I’m the sausage fingered king of inglaterra. These celebs think we were born yesterday. Truth is, half-[cuts off]

Hollywood Heartthrob’s SYNTH Scandal #

Ah, the next car crash in this circus: Trey Harlow, Hollywood’s golden boy, who reckons he’s above a bit of manual labour. He gets a SYNTH double to do the hard work while he chills with his feet up, and what happens? SYNTH-Trey goes and has an affair with a waitress in New Elysium, no less. Course, Trey’s management forgot to remind the SYNTH he’s married. Photos hit Dreadlt, the fans go mental, and his wife files for divorce.

If you’re gonna clone yourself, at least program a bit of loyalty in, yeah? Or maybe, I dunno, don’t send your synth double out to flirt with half the city. Decent, hard-working synths are just trying to do their jobs, then some have to go shagging about and ruining it for the rest of them.

Mindtream’s Stunt Disaster #

And finally, let’s not forget Mindstream Studios and their bright idea to send a synth hurtling off a skyscraper for a stunt. They had it all planned, right? Except the poor SYNTH glitches halfway down and nose-dives into the crowd below, taking out half a dozen poor sods. They’ve now recalled all SYNTH actors, but the lawsuits are piling up like Maccys wrappers after an all night bender. Mindstream’s CEO is taking heat for cutting corners, though frankly, the whole thing stinks worse than a synth’s stink pipe after a valve dump.

Is the Clone Craze just Another Passing Fad? #

So, are we finally done with this clone craze, or are we stuck with a load of fake celebs who can’t be arsed to show up to their own lives? This whole twin lifestyle might suit them, but let me tell you, it’s making life hell for hard-working, honest synths who are just trying to do a day’s work without getting dragged into a scandal. If these fancy-pants celebs keep pulling this crap, the public’s bound to catch on sooner or later. And when they do, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

[One hyperlink to another article on the website:]

Inside the Blood-Red Spectacles of the Elite’s Underground Parties

Transcription by Alec

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